By Z

There are a lot of people who will wail and ballyhoo that war is not a thing that should be poked fun at, and that, by and large, militarism is so integral an aspect of the United States’ condition that it is too sacred a thing to laugh at. But why shouldn’t it be satirized? Militarism… now that is something we can all get behind, We’re a nation of pawns with cartoons for brains singing “America, fuck yeah!” while the rest of the world is screaming “America, fuck you!” And then we wonder, why don’t they like us?

Don’t they see we’re just trying to help them? Don’t they see that our leaders are honorable and just and would never take over a country just to exploit it for its resources and brainwash its people into adopting a materialistic consumer society?

#1. Propaganda: the Psychology of the Spectacle

There’s a kind of weird social pressure when it comes to the United States military. The patriotic whimsy of an entire nation is dancing a jig on our conscience practically every day in regard to supporting the troops or supporting the war in Wherever-istan. God forbid somebody voice an opposite opinion, or even an indifferent tone. But how did we get to this over-exaggerated sense of nationalistic pride? When did we transform from a nation founded upon dissent to a nation dumbfounded by flippant tyrants of fuckery flying around the world dropping bombs on people?
The thing not a lot of people appreciate is the psychological genius of propaganda. On the one side of the coin there are those in power flipping the coin. On the other side of the coin, there’s the mass majority of society, spell-bound and mesmerized by the flickering-flickeryness of the coins pleasing arc. The ease by which people are brainwashed into forming their so-called “own opinions” is astounding.

#2. Weaponry & War Profiteering

It really is no joking matter, but having a good sense of humor is sometimes the only thing we have to keep us sane in such an insane world. And what is the height of insanity? Like Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. said, “A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.” And what does it say about the sanity of our country when our news stations are the height of (bad) comedy and our comedy stations are the height of (good) news?
Do we really need to be spending roughly $200 million per B-52 Bomber? And who knows how much a drone or a stealth bomber costs? Does the military really need more money? Well, when you’re invested in war like most of the top companies in the world are, then… hell yes the military needs more money. And screw your heathenish, terrorist backtalk if you think otherwise. I mean, the war industry is really the ONLY industry the US has. We’re the war machine of the western empire.
So what we can protect our nation at half the current cost, we have corporate fat-cats to keep fat and happy. We need them to manufacture more weapons. We need a giant military force that makes the rest of the world piss its collective pantaloons. Hell, why not just build the Death Star while we’re at it?

#3. Drone Strikes and Terrorists

Wake up and smell the collateral damage! What the powers-that-be don’t want you to know is that they need terrorists, or at least the illusion of terrorists, to keep the war machine churning. In order to keep the oil flowing and the greenbacks stacked, they need pissed-off “Others” with a vendetta, who they can point the finger at and call “terrorists.” What better way to piss someone off than murder their kid and say, “Oops! We were aiming at that other towel-head over there, our bad!”
Jokes aside, this is some serious shit. It’s time that We the People got off our collective asses and made these motherfuckers up the so-called “chain of command” accountable. Imperialism only works if the people subjected to it go along with its military ventures.

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